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| My Snugglesaures and I are off to help Carrington tag up our calves! |
His tooth is far enough up I can officially say he has cut his 6th tooth AND did a little crawling on Monday and Tuesday without his belly on the ground so I figured he is ready for working with the big boys.
I ended up having one of 'those' days. A day of unexpected changes, learning, disappointment, and thankfulness. All the emotions rolled into one!
I have always enjoyed helping with the animals and learning all I can about their behaviors and care. Today was no different. Tagging and castrating calves are some of the things I helped with every year since I married Carrington and moved to the farm. Even last year while pregnant I traveled to the farm to help with tagging the bison.
However, this year everything is different with a child along... as it should be. My son is my priority. In this stage of life, of being a new mom, I have accepted that caring for Rhett is my job and I love that. The thing is, some days my heart and my mind are still playing catch up with one another. My mind wants to help on the farm. Some days it is for my own selfish desire of wanting a physical, measurable purpose. A job with a start and an end. Something I can look back on at day's end and say 'that was done well. That will help with X or Y down the road'. Such as building a fence. Thankfully my heart speaks up and I realize that some days my new role is not to help with the crop or the animals but rather to keep our son safe, happy, and (once he starts walking) out of the way of the big people's work so that they can be productive with their work. Of course, I will work to include my son in the goings-on of the farm but it will look different for myself from years past. Today I helped tag 3 calves out of 46.
I felt accomplished when I remembered everything Rhett might need. I had packed a lot of toys and took the time to put strings on them. I took one of his tethers and put a carabiner on it so that I could quickly change his toys for him when he got bored. I remembered the bug screen and the wind cover for the stroller, his sweater, and his blanket. I arrived just as the work was to get started. We tagged up 2 calves and then Carrington and his dad took a small load to a nearby pasture. Something I had not calculated into my time. That was a miscommunication on my part. They returned and we tagged up another calf. Then they took a second small load to the same pasture. By this time I had used up all our time. Rhett was hungry and tired. We had to return home as he was too distracted to feed and sleep but too exhausted to enjoy himself.
I promised myself that as soon as his nap was over we would return and I could step back into helping them tag up. Rhett slept longer than expected and as we pulled onto the yard for the second time that day they were tagging up the last calf. Haha what timing!
I was initially quite disappointed. I had wanted so badly to help with the work. Thankfully God blessed me with a wonderful husband. He greeted me and could see my disappointment. He hugged me tight and said I had done a good job today. He is a man of few words but I understood what he was getting at. I had done a good job overall, tagging, or taking care of our son, it was all good and helpful.
Why do I share all of this? I want to be real with myself and with others. Writing helps me to slow down and reflect on life and what I am learning. It helps me to focus on the good and not the bad. Plus with how poor my memory is, if I tell myself it was a good day tagging, and write it down, in a week's time I will likely forget all the emotions other then the fact that it was a good day of tagging... no matter how many I did. Today was a success and that is all I need to remember.
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edit: I should also mention it was not all on my shoulders. My mother-in-law was there to help with Rhett and took him on a walk when the wind was so intense. Family can be a wonderful thing. I am also learning to relinquish control. It is not all dependent on me all the time.
